Head Banging. Door opening: Inner Child Work

I have for so long bashed my head against a wall in hopes to make a hole to get to the other side all the while there is a door right next to me that would allow me through. I had to give myself obstacles and pain in order to feel like I am getting anywhere but all’s that does is leave me depleted and give me a headache. No one want’s to smash their head against a wall and I was acting a fool doing just that. Every time I would resist someone’s help and instead make my own way. I would soldier up and carry the packs of everyone around me instead of being a unit. I was caretaker to others and neglected the child within. But today that child was done with the headaches and the staying silent. So I listened. 

When we neglect our inner child and put demands on it rather than nurturing it that is when we keep choosing the same treatment as our upbringing. When you yell at yourself and bully yourself and tell yourself all this stuff who do you think is listening? That inner child. Rather than telling yourself to get over it, grow up, do this or do that why not instead hold love and space? Imagine yourself yelling at a child in real life what would happen? That child would be scared and probably would do 1 of the 4 coping mechanisms in order to “survive.” Those are fight, flee, freeze or fawn. 

So imagine every time you have some old thing come up that is setting that inner child off. What is the style of reaction that you have? Do you explode and get angry? (Fight) Or do you retreat and avoid (flee) or maybe you just introvert and compartmentalize without speaking (freeze) or lastly maybe you just surrender and give in (fawn). Whatever your style I’m sure you are doing it without realizing it, especially if that inner child feels threatened. That is why it’s so important for us to be kind to ourselves and hold the hand of that inner child. 

My inner child is a badass. She wants to show me all sorts of spiritual practices and have a community and show the world just how amazing she is. Yet here I am scolding her, telling her to stay silent, that magic doesn’t exist, that I would be a fool to do intuitive healing treatments and talk about energy. I scold her for disobeying “order” and hate on her when she steps out of line. This shows up as me getting frustrated at myself and my body for not working, me not wanting to work and instead escape, and then eating something unhealthy. Preferably sugar. That is my go to, sugar! 

So instead of blowing up on myself and hating this little kid inside me I instead embraced her. I allowed her to tell me all the things I have pushed away and let it in. When I did my massage got better, my day got better, I ate healthier and stretched for over an hour, I allowed myself to be seen and heard rather than hiding away in a room bashing my head against the wall to break free. When we start listening to hear and holding space for ourselves that is when we truly can break cycles, habits, inherited traumas and more. We are the keepers of our own lives yet we look outward ignoring what’s within us screaming to get out. If I would of ignored that child I would of been looking for some form of escapism to help ease the inner frustration I was feeling. 

That is why listening to our needs is going to be the way you can start building a future. We just need to hear ourselves and our inner Childs wants because you may find out what you are truly passionate about then. For me I love energy and emotions, I love being able to help someone understand theirselves better and shift their energy. And today I was able to do that. On one of my clients I put them in a trance as I communicated with their energy. That type of work or any kind of energy, intuitive stuff is what my inner child craves. That is why I’ve had a hard time as of late because the more she screams it the more I demand she stop because I’m known for something else. 

But when I stopped demanding her to silence herself I opened myself to feel true freedom and live for what I love. So I ask you to listen to your inner child. Imagine your inner child behind your eyes or in your third eye. I want you to sit with this for however long you need. Practice everyday if you need to but once you see that child then imagine what is happening for them. How do they look, feel, seem? Are they quiet and shy or are they screaming out, do they approach you right away or do they seem stand offish. Allow time for this as a daily practice so that you can build trust with yourself. Once you can get close to that child this is when you need to listen to what they are saying. While doing this be patient and kind, that child just wants love and acceptance. So instead of beating them up like I’m sure you do more often then you realize instead hold them, hold their hand, be gentle and love on them hard because that child is you. This is how you show up for yourself, this is how you take care of yourself and heal. I hope that you find this exercise helpful for your own growth. Be well my friends. 

Today was a 8.