Breaking the old, adopting the new.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. My alarm screeched into my ears waking me from a deep slumber. It seemed impossible to pull myself out of it. I barely slept, I let my dog sleep with me and this little creature took my entire side of the bed. All night I was tossing and turning and this left me fatigued and resisting waking up. I made adjustments to my schedule and slept for 30 more minutes and then got up. My bones creaked and my body cracked as I started yoga, barely awake. Big deep breaths, remember you have to breathe Hope I cried as my nostrils felt clogged and my ribs tight.
Frustration and exhaustion filled my practice. Every breath in I reminded myself to expand more, every breath out my mind rattled with how inflexible I had become this past year. I kept pushing through, working on deep belly breaths but found my inhale stuck, not reaching my belly. Getting trapped in my ribs and top of my lungs my breath left me yawning over and over. I just wanted to feel that deep breath hit my lower core but a night of shallow breathing will shorten those intercostals. I kept working through it anyways and slowly I opened and found myself excited to reach the day my body didn’t feel so warped.
After I finished I felt only frustrated and anxious. I just needed more sleep then I got which is why after work I didn’t do much after that. Today getting out of bed and doing yoga right away just like yesterday was a step in breaking old habits. Everyday you re-enforce the behavior you wish to do is a day closer to it becoming the new routine. That’s what it takes. Getting up and doing it, sure today I hit the snooze, but before I did I said I’m giving myself 30 minutes before I get to do yoga. When this alarm goes off again I will get up and do it! Like I said yesterday adjust your schedule and hype yourself up, that is precisely what I did.
When you decide that you are ready to change then you will do everything in your power to make that a reality. It comes from committing to yourself, committing to the process and following through even if you need to hit a snooze button once ;P. And what I want to say is take it moment to moment. Since I didn’t get up on the first alarm that didn’t make me give up, I just refocused myself and got to it a little later than I wanted to. Changing habits isn’t about perfection, it’s about being patient and kind even if you mess up, get back on the horse right away.
Breaking old habits isn’t about cold turkey endings, it’s about finding an alternative thing and becoming consistent in the new behavior until it becomes automatic. It’s about doing it over and over even if you make a mistake, even if you don’t feel good about it, you just keep doing it. That is why it is so important that we be kind to ourselves when we are breaking old habits while adopting new ones? Because shame creates fear, that makes us want to retreat back into a safe space. When you put a negative onto breaking a habit it will only make it harder to quit, so don’t beat yourself up. We have to make the act of quitting something or dropping something a positive, not something that’s difficult or negative.
I hear it all the time from people beating theirselves up for not going to the gym or stretching. I hear them punish themselves over and over for not doing the thing that they believe is in their best interest. That only keeps them singing that tune over and over, they punish theirselves for not trying or committing and instead of making it into a positive they hold onto that feeling time and time again. Everyday you chastise yourself for eating a cookie you will revert back to a place of safety which in this instance was you eating cookies. You must first accept that you eat cookies and it’s okay to eat cookies, but you are now choosing to adopt a different path that no longer involves cookies. Again it’s not about being perfect at change it’s about allowing the good and bad of it. Some days you may find yourself wanting a cookie, the more guilt you put on your back about eating it the more cookies you will eat.
Because I didn’t guilt myself, shame myself or chastise myself for hitting that snooze button I was able to get up and follow through with it. In that moment I needed extra sleep and I took it without guilt. The minute you start raining on yourself that is the moment you will stop pressing forward and instead will go to war in your head. It’s those negative feelings that shift your mentality into failing, into being unworthy, into not being lovable, into all these bs things that you believe them instead of showing up for your greatness. So next time you feel like eating a cooking and you are giving it up if you eat the cookie start over again instead of using punishment as your tool. I had 1 cookie and that is okay. Then figure out some steps to get you back on the track you wish to take rather than spiraling out into a cookie feast.
On my Implement page in my workbook I break down the first weeks goal into actionable goals to take to get there. My first weeks goal was getting the schedule down for when I will do yoga and when I will write. One of the steps to get there was hit the snooze button for 30 minutes, hype yourself in that time and do it after that time is up just in case I wasn’t able to do it at the times I had allotted for myself. I had my back up there written on paper so that instead of being a bully to myself for not doing it, I had actionable steps to take that would allow me to still follow through with my goal. If you have a backup plan for when you aren’t able to stay in line you will more likely go back to the line as soon as you veer off.
Breaking habits isn’t easy especially if you have done them a long time but it is not impossible. It just takes recommitting to the process and finding an alternative that allows you to let go of the old and hardwire the new. It takes patience and kindness while also listening to what emotions are coming up. Find ways to help you keep you on your path that includes having back up plans and mini snooze sessions, and most of all give yourself a break. Nobody is perfect, quit demanding yourself to be! Be well my friends.
Today was a 6.