Mean or Self worth
Do you think that telling someone you don’t want to do something means that you are being mean? I just had a wonderful conversation with someone and I want to define what self worth and boundaries mean. Self worth is assurance in yourself that you are on a path for you defined by you and led by you. It means that you are in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions and that no one has power over you. Boundaries are a line put into place based on your self worth. They can be loose or rigid based on your own value of yourself. The more worth you have the less loose you are because you don’t allow others dramas, inner demons, problems to become your own.
So let’s say you are with a sibling or a friend and that person is testing your boundaries. Like for example me, I love my siblings and have kept a distance from them because I know I am a priority. My boundary is that I refuse to accept scraps from others or put myself in a situation where I feel less valued. So I love them but at a distance. I don’t go out of my way like I did or anything because I value myself. That’s not to say I am happy with it because of course I would love to have the relationships I did but I am not in a place that I can go backwards and cycle into drama or complaining or whatever. And when they are ready and do the work on themselves or learn their own boundaries then perhaps the relationship can grow into something awesome. Now is this mean? Absolutely not. Why? They are family.
It’s not mean because I am putting myself and my worth first. I love from a distance so that I can keep growing and healing and becoming this amazing person. Sometimes distance and time can help, or sometimes it won’t. Just know it’s okay that things are no longer the same because we as people change over time. I’m not the same person seeking approval or forgiveness. I am not the same person who lived on scraps of love, who clung hard out of fear of abandonment. I have evolved and learned my own worth. Now let me ask you are the people or situations in your life pushing you to be authentically you? Are they lifting you up and forcing you into your own greatness? If they are not then you are wasting time by catering to those who accept your role in the play and expect it to stay that way. So are you going to keep playing the same role? Are you going to be the back up to the lead character of your own life? Or are you going to stand your ground and own your worth?
Being mean is when you manipulate, when you put someone else down so that you can feel better about you. To be mean is to establish dominance and control so that others are beneath you. Self worth may sound harsh or “mean” to others but it is you saying hey I’m not accepting crap anymore. I am not accepting your feelings, thoughts as my own. I am not making my life about you or anyone else. And if you have to get loud in order to break free; get loud. If you have to leave then leave. If you have to keep a safe distance then keep a distance. Otherwise then you surrender to low self worth, depression, and worst of all cycles. Reliving the same shit different day because you are too afraid to stand up for you. Having good moments by being obedient with what others have in store for your life and losing all hope when you finally can’t be obedient anymore and then breaking out. Mean is done by takers. So do you want to keep letting others take by all means continue, but if you want to change? To truly face the fear head on then hop to it. You only have so many tubes of toothpaste left before its over.
Are there things you are struggling to move from in your life? What is one thing you could do right now to take back some of your self worth and establish boundaries? Maybe you take space by going away for a couple days. Maybe you put your 2 week notice in and find a new job along the way. Maybe you start by looking in the mirror and having a conversation with yourself. Repeating over and over how you love yourself? Maybe you meditate? Maybe you find a therapist. Maybe you go sky diving so that you can understand that the scariest things you face are all in your head, because once you do the thing you're scared of you wonder why you were ever afraid to begin with. Why is it we become so entrenched in this belief that we are not worthy or label ourselves as selfish or cruel when in reality those very moves can be moments where we take back our worth and say to the bullshit get the fuck outta here. Because the takers tell us so…
Today was a 8. Dehydrated