Willing things
You know the days where you are trying to use sheer willpower to manifest all your hopes and dreams. Like if you force it enough the dam will break and all your hopes and dreams will come flooding out the door and fairy tales and rainbows? What happens? Nothing, the current is going one way and you are trying to swim against it as fiercely as possible because you believe that you know what is right and best for you. That is when sadness, disappointment and just pure unaccomplishedness (making this word up. I don’t care) comes into play.
We believe we know what is best for us. We fight our gut instinct and go with the abusive guy because in the beginning he’s wonderful and a real prince. We go against our better judgment because that little pit in our stomach is just a bunch of nonsense right? WRONG!! Listen we don’t have this whole “reality” thing figured out and for those of you that truly believe we are just these bodies, these wants, these needs, these emotions well I’m sorry to burst your bubble but you are indeed wrong. We are trying to make sense of our existence, our time here by filling it with things we want. That bring us attention, that bring us joy, the guilty pleasures, the mistakes and sure that gives us lessons, but the lesson we truly need to learn is that we are not in control of anything and that our instincts are real things.
There are so many times I’ve had a bad feeling about something or someone and just ignored my own gut. There are so many times even with that bad feeling I literally tried to will myself to fit in the situation regardless of how it felt. For me it was because I was trying to fill a void, to find my purpose, to find a community anything to not feel so damn alone in this skin suit. But that changed for me over many years of ignoring my gut. Now if I have a feeling I don’t follow through with it or I cancel whatever it is. I learned and am still learning that if I don’t listen to that little voice in my gut then I am not truly honoring my higher self. The person that knows what is best for me, not what I believe is best. I know how this may come across, give up control and just go with the flow of things. Preposterous, but I promise you it will land you where you are suppose to be in the most amazing way.
This morning I meditated and normally I go through the prompts trying to will the answers into existence. I want to connect so badly with my guides, my higher self, to manifest my life right now that yea I have a great meditation but I go through my day like why am I just not getting it. But today barely awake I decided to venture off into the next days meditation anyways. It was new and instead of trying to force a connection I merely heard what he was prompting to do and would drift off, falling into the asleep/awake world. I would start to imagine what it was I wanted for myself but then let go and give in to that veil of sleeping wakefulness. 37 minutes later and I woke up and was like wait did I miss the meditation? From there I just said meh, fuck it and started my day.
I didn’t expect the things that happened today to happen, they just did. It wasn’t anything big, but little things. Like a little note, a huge discount on something I didn’t expect, a great conversation that was very fruitful in advancing my career. Things that I paid no mind to in the past because I was so focused on manifesting my will that I was blind to anything else. That is what it means to go with the flow, you stop having a laser focus on how things will plan out and begin to open yourself up to the possibilities. Now if I would of been my anal retentive self today those things may of happened and I could of overlooked them, or maybe they wouldn’t of happen. I just know that going with the flow today made work better, life better, and I felt like wow no pressure just a chill kind of day. Now that is what I am talking about.
We put pressure on the world to bring us the things we demand right now. We put pressure on our careers, our partners, our relationships, our bodies, this thing, that thing ahhhhh OVERLOAD!! Then we wonder why we are unhappy, why we forget our very WHY for it all. The world is always open to us, it’s us that demands so much of it. Instead of just enjoying the journey and being okay if things don’t work out “OUR WAY” we demand more from ourselves. I bet you if you stop putting so much pressure on everything you will truly get to enjoy the world in a way you never have before and that may fall in line in the way things are meant to be. You don’t know the future my friend so stop trying to will an existence that may not be right for you into reality. As long as you believe that whatever happens will be the most benevolent situation than you really don’t have to put that much pressure on things. It will only drive you crazy. So give yourself a break, give the world a break and just enjoy the ride.
Today was a 10.