Faith

What is faith?

Faith is the complete trust or confidence in a person, thing or concept. To have faith is a choice, and finding that is much easier then you think. A lot of times with faith we make it into this larger then life decision, an existential crisis. But it really comes down to either you believe or you don’t. Without knowledge if something will work out or not, if something exists or not, you have confidence in it and that is what faith is about. Holding your hands out in the dark knowing that you will make your way out of it.

Faith can be used towards religion, people, or circumstances. It is a tool that separates us from other creatures on this planet. Lately with everything going on with the COVID-19 have you felt like ok, no matter what this will be over soon and life will go back to the way it was? Well that my friend is faith. You have assurance in the fact that this is temporary and we will all be back at work soon. Faith is that simple. But what happens when you have no Hope? What happens when the darkness eats away at you day in and day out? When you feel you have become defeated and that you have nothing left to give? Then my friend I say believe in something greater then yourself. Truly believe. Because there has been times I have been there. I am about to get super personal, when I was 16/17 I was living in a group home. I went to live with a family that couldn’t understand me and my trauma. All the things I went through were crippling me but I compartmentalized and pretended I was fine. They had put me on a high dose antidepressant that numbed me and made me feel worst. I didn’t feel anything, and because I never got the support I needed to sort out the mess of my family dysfunction I overdosed on my meds. I wound up in the hospital and after that was still never given help. The depression ate away at me, and for a long time I couldn’t understand what I even felt. When I collapsed I had smashed my head, from that I had a severe concussion. Eventually I got my own apartment where I got severely sick and couldn’t afford anything. I was 18, and my darkness was so severe I didn’t see any point in anything. But then people found me and helped me, why? Because I began to have faith. I started to believe in something greater then myself with intensity. Something I would struggle to believe in for years but eventually would believe in more then anything. But faith got me out, I had to believe in something because I had lost everything. “It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” -fight club.
And those hits have stayed with me every since. Fueling me, like a bon fire that rages on through the night. It also stops me from a lot of things. That old pain is still attached to my psyche, and it is part of why I hold back myself back. It’s not an excuse, it’s a low self worth even now. Sad I know, but during your formative years when you are a sponge being told from everyone who you are it’s hard to unlearn those beliefs. I’m not saying impossible because I find worth everyday. It’s just work and faith.
I write this for you not to feel sorry for me, it happened its done. But so you know that even in the dark you can find the light. There are days I struggle with depression and go back into that dark place, but faith brings me out. People bring me out and I am beyond grateful for those in my life that support me and love me. They don’t realize how that gift gives me courage to move forward. So I tell you now, that no matter how dark it is don’t ever give up. There are forces in the world greater then ourselves, whether you believe it or not is up to you. I believe I had to go through this in order to grow into a person of extraordinary talents and compassion. My story allowed me to be kind and empathize and even now I wouldn’t change a thing. I have no regrets because where I wound up from that darkness has made me such an amazing soul.
I challenge you to find something to believe in. Whether it be yourself, a religion, a person, or knowing you will be better for all the shit. I want you to be grateful for the circumstances, though they seem awful they are shaping you to help change the world. I know that it sucks. I know that sometimes you feel trapped in whatever is happening, but there is always a way out. You just have to believe there is, truly. Feel it in your blood as it rushes to pump your heart. Feel it in your bones as you move your body. It may show up later then you want, but watch for it. Life is lessons to help us become authentically ourselves. Without fears, without regrets or holding ourselves back. So I hope you start to believe in that. I found my faith long ago, and over the years I have lost it here and there. After all the hits I challenged it, but saw that I always wind up better then I started. That’s when I truly believed. Faith creates abundance and turns the light on. It creates the momentum we need to get ahead. Are you ready to start having faith? To believe in yourself fully and truly? To believe in something greater then you? To believe that everything will work out? Take the leap and see what happens.