Starter for friends
Have you ever asked how on earth do I make friends as an adult? What can I do to find people that will be my tribe. How do I start? Well as I learned today from my friend how to make sour dough starter, it takes patience. Patience my dear ones is how you make friends as adults. So many times we want to have everything right now in this instance, and because of today’s technology and instant gratification and luxuries we forget that things require patience and consistency.
Most times when I try to make friends in the past it would be fast. I would want to know everything I can about them and on a very deep level. I think that is just how I work. Also it would be always be at arms lengths because the fear of being vulnerable and appearing “weak” I just avoid at all costs. But how do you make friends? By being vulnerable. Stepping into something you haven’t done before. Let’s say for instance you want to get in shape and you want a fun community. You step into maybe a crossfit gym and begin learning what it means. Then you start being consistent, going the same time everyday and you start seeing the same faces. That brings about dialogue and you become a part of the conversation. Soon you are making friends with them and then are going out to have drinks and food. Then the process grows and gets more and more robust with time.
That’s as simple as it is. We put so much emotion on it, we put so much roadblocks and obstacles in a simple act of allowing people into our lives and getting close with us. I know why I do this, do you know why you do? I am not saying my excuse is a good one, or one I even like or want to continue. It’s actually annoying and rather a bother. But I am aware of it and am taking steps to change it. So what about you? What are some hobbies you like to do? Why not go online to see if there are any events regarding that hobby in your area? Like to hike? Maybe find a local forum or group that is always looking for other members to join. Try it out and see if its your fit. Nothing does nothing, so it’s up to you to put yourself out there?
I actually tried an app a while ago for this very thing. I was having a hard time making friends, actually let me rephrase that one. I was having a hard time allowing my friends in so I felt as if I didn’t have any friends and I was seeking out something more. Which was so stupid because I had real friends all along, I just had to be willing to be vulnerable and put a consistent effort in. Plus I put to much pressure on a person to be my “person” that I was not accepting them for them.
So remember be patient. Friendships don’t become deep overnight, sure you can make friends but time will make it bloom into something spectacular if you water and support it. Go outside your comfort zone, do something you always wanted to but just didn’t cause you didn’t want to alone. You never know who you meet along the way. Be vulnerable, cry, get ugly, make boundaries and speak your truth. Friends will always love you no matter what, if certain things can’t be respected then is that something you want to last? Go on social media to check out events near you or groups you want to join. Maybe that crocheting you do all the time has a stitch and bitch party. Go to that, you never know who you will meet if you try. And if you don’t see something, start one. Put your goals, views, what it’s about and all that out there and I am sure that someone will find you.
I use to be so afraid of making friends. For many reasons, but I digress. Today I had a conversation with someone who helped me when I needed it and later went and spent the evening with someone and made starter to make bread. Yesterday I was struggling, and in my struggles I reached out to them. That for me was a huge accomplishment because before I would go it alone. So if you struggle let me tell you reach out. Even if you feel scared it’s not reciprocated, or fear of being a burden or whatever, just do it. It could save your mental health and you may learn something in yourself you didn’t see before.
Today I was at a 7. Yesterday I dipped down from a 6 to a 3. It got scary for me but I had support. I had love at the end of it.