Old Cycles
Remember how I spoke about old cycles that will continue to come up but just different situations? Well for me they are coming up in a swarm, and the biggest thing I am facing right now is abandonment. It’s a huge theme for me right now, especially as I am not feeling 100%. But what these old cycles don’t know is that they are messing with the wrong biddy.
I’m telling you I can now officially see my old cycles popping up. It’s the logical brain telling me, oh hey this is what is happening, and my emotional side is like wahhhhhhh. That’s when it gets saucy and hard for me to stop the spiral before it begins. So for me abandonment is a real hard thing, it gives me social anxiety, fear of missing out, fear of being included, just trust issues and all of it. Dealing with it at times may seem like I am aloof, withdrawn or just out of sorts, and you know what I am. There is a battle waging reminding me of the abandonments, rejections, hurts. Some days are way better then others, and like I said because I am not feeling good those days can be a bit harder to navigate and find safety in. But I still open up and let those people in that I trust and know what’s happening.
What are some old cycles that come up for you? Do you find yourself struggling with relationships? Maybe you are afraid of your partner doing something behind your back? Maybe you are afraid that you aren’t good enough? Maybe you suffer from abandonment like me and in turn withdrawal from the world and not letting people in out of fear of being abandoned further? Whatever the cycle is for you watch for it. Allow yourself to be present when you start to feel anxious, or scared. Watch for your emotions and dig in deeper to what they are telling you. It’s hard sometimes to navigate our emotions, sometimes even feeling shame in them for having them. Just know it’s okay that you feel the way you do. Hold on to the emotion and allow yourself to fully feel it, shame and all. Trust that the shame is there to keep the emotion trapped, by feeling it you unlock it and that helps to release it.
Today was a 6. Still feeling crummy.