Reminiscing

Have you ever just started to day dream about how you wound up where you are? As I sit on my yoga mat outside at an airport I look at where I live and am like how did I get here. Looking over the events that played in my life how did I get here? Owning a business which I want to expand and am taking steps, living at an airport in a hangar, with a man who loves me so completely. Along with the countless support from my clients, and friends. I’m just awe struck today and questioning how I personally got here.

For a while I use to look at everything I have and desired more. Not because I wanted to better myself for me but because I had to prove myself to them. I had such this drive to prove that I was successful, and that blinded me for so long. The yearning to show others I am “perfect” clouded my why, and made me only see what I hadn’t done with my life. It made me look past my world travels, and all the trips I have taken. It made me look past all the people who touched me and supported me. It made me think that owning things showed people that hey look at me, I have my shit together. But as Tyler Durden once said, “the things you own, start owning you.” Thats why if you come to my place you can see how empty it is. Not because I don’t want to fill it with pretty things, but because what is that extra bed going to do for me? Will it complete me?

“I say let me never be complete. I say may I never be content. I say deliver me from Swedish furniture, I say deliver me from clever arts, I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth,I say you have to give up! I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may!”- Again Tyler Durden his words coming out of my mouth. (My favorite movie BTW.)

But today as I reminisce on all the things in my life that lead me here I have to say, it allowed me to take stock. Not just of the things I own, but who I have, how strong I have become. It showed me who I was and who I became. It’s pretty incredible to see someone so scared of her own shadow, this little miss perfect, always seeking others approval can now give two shits less about it. Looking back I can see my journey and what I was after all along; Hope. Hope that I would some day love myself even in the dark. Hope I would see how worthy I am of love and to be loved. Hope that I would accept myself without caring what people say. That hope is the best thing thats happened to me because it brought me here. It shrouded me in it’s arms and became my cloak. And I am so grateful for it.

When you Reminisce on things what are some things you think about? Are you daydreams about other people? Owning new expensive things? Are they about old times that you cherished? Do you dwell on these things? Become obsessed. It’s okay I was once too obsessed. My constant dwelling on the things I couldn’t change kept me awake at night, so I get it. Here’s the thing though when you daydream about someone else it’s probably because they have some trait you want or physical attribute. What is it about that person that keeps you stuck in the clouds? Is it physical? Is it to fill a void inside you? Probably, because that’s what it was for me. And I am human just like you. I get angry, sad, happy, joyous and all the emotions. I make mistakes and am imperfect. So what if instead of coveting the things that once were or you long for, how about you see where you are at now. Accept the things you are and if you don’t like it then change it. If you like a boy because he has courage, then practice courage. If you like a girl because she has intelligent conversation, then start reading or researching topics you enjoy so you can also have intelligent conversation. If you like someone cause their pretty or have an amazing body and they take care of themself, then practice taking care of yourself. The things you like or hate about a person are the things you like and hate about yourself.

So chose to use reminiscing as a tool to better you. Use it to analyze where you are now and what you want to accomplish. Use it as a way to fill up your own personal bookcase. I challenge you to look where you are now and see what led you up to this point. Dive into it and get excited about your own journey. No one is coming to save you, thats on you! So be your own knight in shining armor and slay your own damn dragon!!