Confidence
Everyone wants it, very few embody it. But what does it mean to be confident? Well it means to not care what anyone says, thinks or feels about you yet you continue to have self-assurance in yourself. Its this unwavering, unbridled appreciation for one’s self and their abilities. And lately this has been becoming my current state of things.
For so long I held on to outside validation, clinging to it like seran wrap. It was my bread and butter, needing the words of others to feel worthy. To feel like I am amazing or beautiful or funny. Those outside words gave me small boosts of “confidence” and those short lived moments left me feeling like an addict, craving more. I felt like everyone knew who I was and I felt like the fraud. My own inner judgement, critic, and mean girl constantly berating me with cheap shot after cheap shot. It was so confusing for me to navigate and everyone would say you just need more confidence. I would get upset because that’s all I wanted to have, not need others to tell me I am a badass. Every time I heard someone say it I would feel even more pathetic and even more like a fraud. And just for the record saying things like you just need more confidence, or you just need to learn to relax is the worst thing you could say to someone who feels they lack those things. Instead try asking them what helps you relax or how can we help build your confidence. Don’t tell them what they need, ask them how to help. Works way better.
But over the past year I’ve seen hell and learned some real hard truths. I’ve expanded my mind, opened myself up to discover why on earth I wouldn’t allow people, and success and other wonderful things into my life. And here I am day 4 into my meditation loving on myself hard. I don’t care if people think anything about it either. My spirituality is beginning to explode and I am trusting myself, my intuition and loving every minute of it. I know when to say no, I know how to say yes all the while trusting my gut. I feel myself expanding and having a confidence because learning that I am not my body, my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts all I am is just being. It’s not a matter of feeling confident it’s being confident. I am embodying my natural state and who that is is extraordinary! It’s a whole new level.
You know when you see people living in their own greatness that is what I am beginning to embody and boy is it fucking fantastic. All’s it takes is looking within and finding your inner greatness and peace. Inner peace is what will bring you more results because you are able to gain a sight. This sight will bring you true understanding and truth and you will see that you are so much more than anything you can imagine. So be brilliant, be amazing, be authentically you, unapologetically, whole heartedly YOU! I hope that you find the space for yourself to explore your own inner workings. Find something that works for you so that you may find your own inner greatness. I can help guide you, but only you will know what works for you to truly heal!
Today was a 10. I’ve been floating. It’s crazy I’ve been in pain but I look at it like wow, I’m alive. It’s an experience rather than a death sentence.