Recognition of Myself
For so long I have had to do everything for myself. I’ve been guarded, not allowing myself to receive, even though I give and take care of everything. But today as I was working on my feet with a lacrosse ball an overwhelming feeling bubbled up inside me, I am allowed to receive. I don’t always have to give and fend for myself, I am allowed to receive gifts, and help, and love. This was powerful for me.
I have learned to love myself and through loving myself it has opened me up to abundance, and lessons. The things I find myself repeating over and over come to the surface and here I am eye to eye with an old belief. And today it looked me square in the face and I found myself struggling to let go. All I wanted to do was cry, to let it out but instead I brushed it aside because I didn’t want to cry at work. Crying for me isn’t about sadness, it isn’t about loss, it is how I let go.
I have spent the past few months with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’ve pushed it down because I was so busy that I didn’t allow myself to let go. I had to be strong and take charge because who else would have. That buckling down brought me here yet I am still clinging on to the old briefs. I am in my new house, and all these outdated things about myself are no longer serving where I am or who I am. I get to embrace this new version of myself. I spent most of my life feeling unworthy, feeling unloved, feeling like I have to take care of everything, and now I get to be free of it.
As I type tears are streaming down my face because I am just so grateful to be alive. I am so grateful for everything and so unbelievably proud of myself. I never believed in myself or my accomplishments where of any recognition, that is until now. I have overcome so many obstacles of my own design and some of them life circumstance, but I am here right now sitting in my awesome couch drinking hot chocolate with my dog on my lap in complete awe of everything in my life.
I rose up and created my own business which found success in helping people and now I applaud myself for where I am going. There are moments of doubt in any journey but now all I have is faith that I am enough. I have everything I need within me. Its like the work over these past 4 years in January have come around to a place of pure love and courage. I am so damn courageous and I will continue to be until my end. It’s one of my greatest strengths, and now that I am able to truly understand where my energy is in this world I am capable of anything.
No more taking on others energy. No more taking on what other people think of me, no more trying to interpret things because in the center of it I know who I am. I know and love me, and that is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It’s a journey to love yourself and not care what others think, or let others energy influence or bully you. But here I am risen from my pain, transmuted into love and it’s all I have to give. My heart is finally open to receive and I couldn’t be more happy in all my red eyed, sniffly nose glory then right now.
My friend I hope you continue your journey into loving yourself. I hope you dive into it fully and realize that everything you need is within you. If you aren’t there know it’s okay. As long as you work towards it you are one step closer. It doesn’t have to be perfect you just have to do it. I’m sending you love as you read this. Be well my friend and just love.
Today was a 11.