Vulnerability

What does vulnerability look like?

Well it is a genuine approach to being 100% authentically you, without walls or limitations. It is being accountable to your thoughts feelings and actions. This is a place where you find power and gain back who you are. It’s saying hey world, this is me, accept it or not, I don’t fucking care. To be at your most raw, unarmored, nakedness and staying true to the flaws and underbelly; that is what vulnerability looks like. Being yourself without fucks given.

Many times people mistake vulnerability for a bunch of things. Like for example Emotionally vomiting. This can look like this: Hey I told every feeling I had, emotionally vomited my life’s story and the person wasn’t responsive. Why? Because let me reiterate this again in case you didn’t catch it the first time. To be vulnerable is to be accountable for your thoughts feelings and actions. Sure you exposed everything you felt, but it was done in a way of pleading. Emotional vomit exposes you for sure, but it is a desperate attempt to fix what is wrong with you. It won’t solve your issues. It won’t make the relationship deeper. Emotional vomit is like making 500lbs of guacamole for a small gather of friends, and wondering why no one could eat all of it. It isn’t true vulnerability. It’s saying hey these are my feelings and thoughts, like me please. It’s not raw and authentic. Instead, it is talking at someone instead of having a conversation with them. It brings awareness to what you need to work on, but that’s all it does. It’s up to you to have the insight to bring that awareness to the next level. Which is changing it.

Some people may use vulnerability as a way of getting people to like them. This isn’t vulnerability, this is manipulation and all it does is keep you from growth. In order to attain deeper relationships being vulnerable is the only way that someone will like you or they won’t. This can look like this: liking something someone else likes so you have a common bond, but then as time goes on you stop doing that thing because hey dummy, you only liked it because you wanted that person to like you. This is a form of manipulation. It ruins relationships because you aren’t being yourself. You change who you are, give away that power for what? A temporary vacation of instant gratification and lust? It’s not real, and time always shows fake ness.

To be vulnerable is a practice of courage. It takes raw grit and intensity to face the fear of rejection. This level of commitment is the highest honor you can give yourself. Because it is putting yourself and your feelings first. It is a level of confidence that can’t be touched. Even though you may be vulnerable about not knowing how to do something, or you suck at it, that is confidence. We often times mistake confidence for cockiness and vanity. But true confidence is being vulnerable and saying fuck it I don’t care, I am going to do it anyway. And its done from a place that is genuinely you. Not for a reason.

I have emotionally vomited. I have liked things to gain likes from others. I have practiced all these fake forms of vulnerability too. So don’t think you are a bad person for doing so. It’s okay to be imperfect, it’s okay to be scared. But what is not okay is not taking responsibility for it. Own this, because the sooner you say fuck, I did that too, what is it teaching me? The sooner you can change the bullshit and actually become you. By owning your mistakes you gain a sense of self. This can allow you to truly be vulnerable.

I am a weirdo in the best possible sense. I sing constantly, like a broadway musical live action play. I talk about dark humor constantly, and I make voices all the time. I love to play video games, but I get scared of the learning curve and sometimes this intimidation holds me back from playing games that I really like. I love to write, yet I feel I need a lot more improvement in my editing and language skills. I have progressed quite a bit, but trust me, I was an idiot when I was younger in this department. When I am nervous I hide from people. When I don’t feel safe I stay quite. I need people in order to feel validated and to build me up.

I do the weirdest things, which my partner can attest to. With him I am 100% myself and I still challenge myself to be vulnerable with him. It’s hard at times because I get scared. But that’s okay, it just means that I have to do it. I hate conflict. There are plenty of times I have so much I want to say yet instead I don’t. I sit there stewing, and then I pull away from the situation. Instead I should communicate but that means to be vulnerable right? That means I am taking responsibility and owning my flaws and feelings. It means I am taking my power back and speaking my truth. Well I am still working on this. Like I’ve said before I am still growing, and will always be. I am human, and I am a work in progress.

These are some of the things that make me, me. I don’t share these things with others because “it seems crazy.” But this is me. I love who I am, and that I make up songs all the time. I love that I talk to my dog about cooking him and eating him. (I will never do this, its just my humor.) I love these things about myself, and I want to start sharing this more with the world. To be vulnerable is to accept that you may lose people and gain others. To be vulnerable is putting yourself out there for the world to see. What are somethings you would like to start to be vulnerable with? This can be anything from emotions, to attitude, to finances, to physically. What are some small steps you can take to be more vulnerable with yourself? Have you allowed yourself to share a joke, even if no one laughs? Have you allowed yourself to tell someone that they hurt your feelings? By being vulnerable you put up boundaries and show people where the line is. Without it you can never build deeper bonds. Are you ready to expose yourself? Imperfect and human? I am. So let’s get to showing our birthday suits, and start owning that cellulite covered booty! You only get one life, are you ready to be authentically you?