Writers block in times of stress
Literally as we approach the 1 year anniversary of this blogs beginning I find myself unable to write. It’s not for lack of trying, that’s for certain. Perhaps with all the stress of my move and working on getting everything situated I find myself overwhelmed and unable to figure out what to even write about. It’s quite irksome. I have told myself for the past year that it doesn’t have to be pretty it just has to be done and here I am unable to even think of things to write about. One because I want to diversify the things I am writing about and 2 I have the dreaded writers block.
Have you ever been consistent with something then BAM out of left field you just think about doing that thing and are drawing a blank. I love this blog and I love to write, it’s one of my favorite things but now I find myself feeling that is more a job rather than something I do for fun or growth. I decided to change the blog into something more because I believe in it and all that it will do but I’m scared shitless. I look at all the spaces over the years I have created for myself and they are great and now I have the most space ever and I am scared. Moving into this new place I am terrified. I’m terrified I will lose everything including my control. Everyday I question if its the right move, should I have waited until I found something else. I’m second guessing everything including myself. My writers block is because I changing my life by moving my business and renaming it and getting other people to work with me now. It’s a lot of pressure and underneath it all is this deep desire to be utterly perfect.
I want the space to be beautiful, to smell great, feel great, to wow myself. I finally decided to invest in myself and hired someone to rebrand me. I decided to invest in my Dare to Habit brand because nothing has felt more right before and I’m afraid of failing myself. I’m afraid of losing everything I built for myself, my clients, my community, my home, my life all because I am taking a huge leap of faith in the middle of a pandemic. Like I feel like I’m going crazy because who does this? Please don’t mind my insecurity right now it’s kind of my dog leash. Since it keeps me from running away in a panic, or wait it is making me panic. See it’s that much right now.
Now I know I chose this, I decided to jump ship where I was and take the plunge. I could of kept playing it safe and continued the same way but I wasn’t happy. I could of rented a room somewhere else but again I wouldn’t of been happy. This plunge I did because the leader inside me is screaming, Bitch you were born to be seen and lead, now go and do it. But that little insecure kid is like well I don’t know what I am doing, even with a plan it’s all greek to me. That’s right even if you make a plan if you have never done it before then you are testing a theory, and right now my theory is I am a leader who is a badass business woman and is going to lead an amazing team of rhinos charging towards success. Is it true? I believe it is but I also have that mean kid throwing things at me telling me how dumb that sounds. The inner conflict is real!
Every day that passes feels like a missed opportunity or that I didn’t do enough. A lot of things are a waiting game, needed others for things and that creates the rushing like a cheetah person inside of me to freak out. I know I spoke about the tortoise and the hare and slow and steady is the way to win. But I have never been someone who doesn’t go all in and rush to the goal. I’ve always been the hare and sure that has led to a lot of short comings. One being patience and being okay with imperfection but it has also made me a flipping success. I kept charging all the time to be better, do more, learn more, open up more and I have to thank my hare side for that.
It’s hard to wait to hear back from someone about a price for this, or an approval for this. I feel like I am losing my mind, plus now a few other places want me in their space and I am second guessing the space. Especially because of all the work I want to do. That’s right I could move in tomorrow and the only thing it would need is to be cleaned but that’s not what I want. I want to redo the space because I have a vision. I am trying to do so many things, all self inflicted, yes I am aware but I can see in my head how I want it to be. This is why I haven’t been able to truly write, I mean look at all the stress I am putting on myself just to make it perfect. What’s the worst thing if it isn’t?
Are you dealing with similar feelings? Well you aren’t alone, but the way we get over the stress of our own narcotic tendencies is to let go and believe it’s all going to work out. The way we do that is by realizing that the things outside of us are not in our control. Sad I know, but true. We only can control ourselves and that is our actions, and emotions. And maybe make lists of things you can accomplish for the day. Work on those lists with diligence and dedication and as you check off the tasks give yourself a high five and feel gratitude you could finish it. Otherwise you may wind up spending all your time worrying about all the things that are outside of you and that only winds up depressing your immune system until you are burnt out and sick. So take care of you!
Today was a 9.