Shifting myself

Today I was able to receive Reiki from an amazingly warm person. The session was incredibly on point with things I know about myself, and also things I am trying to uncover. The peace I felt after was great but soon after I felt the hurricane unfolding. You know the eye of a hurricane, the peace and calm but around it everything is swarming around it. That is what happens with me when I receive any type of work. I literally have to just feel it out as the day is happening, and it isn’t always pleasant but it’s what I needed. 

So for me I have done some work on myself to open myself up to the world, but I am unable to connect to myself. It’s like there’s all these pieces like a puzzle but they no longer fit the spaces, and this leaves me unable to connect myself. These old pieces of me are fading out, and these new parts are coming into fruition yet there’s turmoil in the foundation. I don’t seem to trust myself and how this new version of me is. Like I said to Nick, I worked on my past, and now I am working on shifting from old beliefs and limitations. 

Then what am I to do in this process. I see where I am going, I feel it in my very being, the extraordinary things I will do, but I feel so small and limited now. I know things don’t happen overnight, but I just want them too. As I am writing this I feel so spacey, and just floaty from the healing work. I absolutely love Reiki, and want to start allowing myself to explore my spiritually without limits. I have placed such resistance when it comes to allowing that side of me to come out. Perhaps that is how I find support for myself by allowing myself to dive into the things that I have considered “bad.” Mainly based on fear, and beliefs from my family.

So where does that leave me? What can I do then to begin to trust this wonderful being I am and becoming. To feel secure enough in myself that it supports who I am. The support is the biggest component. I’m uncertain how or what that looks like for me. To support my needs for me. Sure I do self care and things of that nature, but I’m talking about supporting my decisions. For me and me alone, not because I’m worried about others, or what they will think of me. But trust myself to support what I need. Damn that is huge. I tried telling Nick what I needed today, but felt as if I couldn’t even explain that because I think it has to come from me. This is no longer external validation I need, it’s an internal one. So here is to the start of some beautiful, deep transformations. 

Today was 9! Just a lot coming up after being worked on. Super grateful!