The Wait
They say patience is a virtue, and all things happen in time. But for me these words make me want to punch someone. Why? Because of that instant gratification. Fuck I love it just like anyone. Who wants to put the work in, dedicate their time to the process. No one. BOOO. That shit is stupid right? Wrong!!
You know what the wait is? The real process of the wait is for you to understand where you are heading and how to create the tools to get there. When things take time to process it’s not because you can’t just be done with it or know it right then and there, it’s because every process goes through grief. And we all know there are 5 stages to that right. Like for instance I picked up golf like 3 months ago. Started at the drive range and now I enjoy going to actually play. It’s a huge metaphor for life, and today was a very very off day. I was beyond frustrated, but when I woke up this morning I was already not feeling it. I was so exhausted and fatigued from the start so it played into my game.
But here I was playing this game getting more and more done with it. I was frustrated because 2 weeks ago I was so on and then the past week I have been off. It’s infuriating. Now like I said any process is like going through the stages of grief and loss. You are shedding old beliefs, old behaviors, creating new habits, in a sense a piece of you is changing and that is why it takes a while. So for me when I first went to the drive range I was in denial, even playing I didn’t think I was good or that I even could be potentially good at it. I was so shut off to the idea but I still kept going back. All because that one game where I was so present in the moment that my mind went black. It was beyond beautiful. And this past week I’ve been shooting like shit, so of course what happens anger.
I feel myself changing for the better through a game that brings me joy and now I am challenging what was. Live without joy or now chose to bring joy into your life. I’m sure in the future I will be bargaining with the universe to make me better. Can’t wait to have that conversation.
During this process of learning to golf I have also been depressed because I want to progress faster. I want to understand how to truly play. So see that is why things are a process. We have to wait until we are truly ready or practiced at what we do. I didn’t wake up and become the best massage therapist without years of practice, asking, listening, education, and re-evaluation. That is why instant gratification is utter horse shit. It shuts us off to our own growth and maturity. It is used as a bandaid for a greater wound that needs stitches and sometimes even amputation and a new prosthesis. When they say trust the process that means you have to find love for it, even if you are torn. Even if you are unsure, just be patient with yourself. Trust that one day whatever it is will click and like that you will look back on things and say wow, I did it. I got here. And the wait will be over, until the next process. Cause that doesn’t end.
Today I was a 5 1/2. Sleep was meh and just felt off today.