Self pity: The Draining Monster
There once was a girl who rose amongst the ashes. She had created a life of splendor and success for herself yet it was never enough. It always felt as if anything she did was nothing extraordinary, and downplayed every step she took only holding on tightly to the fears. Every step was taken with fear, hesitation, low confidence, never taking a minute to pause and be present with how far she had come. She got so caught up in the future, overwhelmed by all the things she wanted to accomplish she developed anxiety on top of her persistent depression. Days passed her by and she began to slow down and question everything. All the ways she went about work, her life, herself. Little by little she started to learn how to be grateful. She learned to appreciate her accomplishments, and finally appreciate and love herself. The depression and fear slowly died because she realized every step she made, even if there wasn’t an active show of progress it brought her closer to what she wanted to achieve. Every failure though scary brought her one inch closer to success. Until one day she was proud of her life, proud of who she became and inspired others around her. It was glorious to rise up and finally be amongst the stars, and achieving the impossible.
Well that girl is me and the me I want to be. The current me is the one full of fear, not appreciating my accomplishments, and there are some pretty big ones. What steps am I actively taking to be the girl I want to be? Well I’ve been consistent in the adventures I decided to take and follow through in them, such as this blog. I started practicing gratitude, working on embodying things rather then living in the ego. I have been taking active steps to change that old persona and story into something I invoke and can inspire others to invoke in themselves.
That’s not to say I don’t feel down, or feel bad about things. I just take an active approach to practice true grit so that I can surpass those bad feelings. Listen shit is gonna happen, things are gonna bring you down, but it’s not how they arise it’s how you tackle it. Are you gonna allow it to overwhelm you and bring you down, or are you gonna get the fuck up and move forward. I am tired of being my own worst enemy, it’s time I made friends with that person who tends to like to wallow.
We all have our good days and bad ones. We have days that may not look like anything, and then days that feel as if they changed everything. Life is right now, we are the makers of our own time, our own journey. We create the lives we want to live, so it all starts with you. What is your reality? Are you able to watch your emotions? Grow from them? Allow yourself to feel the bad and move on, or does it swallow you whole? Can you become the person in your story? Or do you just keep wishing on stars?
Today was an 8.