Self-Reflection

As this quarantine goes on I learn more and more about myself. In the beginning it was rough because I was in a cage. I felt trapped by my own mind and that was really a hard place to be. I felt alone and isolated and depressed and just awful. Everyday was a struggle for me and I couldn’t understand get out of my own damn way.

Have you ever just been dealing with your own crap and not able to get over it? Well that was me and then something began to change. Something I haven’t had change before, me. I started to really look at myself and my role in the world. How I created things for myself, how I viewed relationships, what I kept doing. I was living in insanity. Everyday I had so much anger and frustrations and grief that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I sat indoors crying sometimes, in bed, and just feeling hopeless. I kept trying to find a way out but I felt like I was pulled further and further down.

It wasn’t until about 2 1/2 weeks ago now that things started to change for me. I know it’s been over 2 months and I am just starting to come out of the darkness. Writing everyday has helped me to reflect during my time here. Also using that number system to state where I am at has helped. Then reflecting after my sister left and coming to terms with acceptance created an inner peace in me. Sure I still go through things where I feel myself slipping back but I am able to catch it. I can see my part in it now.

Have you spent some of this time to reflect into yourself? To look at the things that are working for you and what is not? Have you challenged yourself to do more? To be more? Have you tried ways to create more abundance and self love during this time? If not it’s okay, you can start anytime. So if you haven’t started look at what thoughts keep happening in your mind. Do you see a pattern? A repetition of thoughts pertaining to something in your life? Well if you do ask yourself what is this thought trying to teach me? Why do I obsess over it? Or why do I keep having this kind of thought? See if the thoughts you are having are actually true or are they the cage you keep putting yourself in? I know it can be hard to look at your own truth and be like damn I do that? That is really bad or unhealthy. This is the time to look yourself in the mirror and really get serious about yourself. What do you like? What don’t you? Are there things you want to change? Start with a small step, make a small goal to change the system.

I looked at myself recently and my physical body is not where I want it to be at. I have challenged myself to start taking control back of my body. So that is what I am going to be working on for the rest of the quarantine. I am tired of not being comfortable in my own skin. How about you? Is there something you want to challenge yourself to do? Write it down and get to it! Figure it out and make the commitment to push forwards.

Today I was at a 7. Went for another hike today. It was great!